Open Letter: Homophone Edition

Dear Deer, The truth is that I like you. I do. When my daughter claimed on the week that we moved here that she saw some of your type running around the neighborhood, I did not doubt her. She has her shortcomings but taxonomy is usually not one of them. However, as long months passed and I saw no sign of you, I did somewhat wonder about her sighting. Tonight when you suddenly appeared while I was out on my... read more

Open Letter: Neighbor Edition

Dear Neighbors, Hi. I’m sure you’ve noticed that we’ve moved into your neighborhood. For one thing there was the whole giant moving truck thing. For another a couple of you come and stare out your windows at us whenever we are doing something in the front yard. For another thing, we clear our driveway and the sidewalk when it snows. The last time it snowed, it snowed only lightly, but we... read more

Open Letter: Moving Company Edition

Dear Moving Company Contact, Please refrain from replying to my email with a phone call. No, I will not call you back. If I had wanted to call you, I would have done that to start with. I already spoke to you on the phone once. I called you back in response to your first message, despite the fact you had not provided me with your extension, or last name, thereby making returning the message an even larger... read more


Dear Everyone (but this week it is dedicated to real estate “professionals”), I really think that it would be best if you did not send out business emails in ALL CAPS. I think that this is true in general. When you are responding to an emailed inquiry from me, you even have a nice little clue that I feel this way. Look at the message I sent to you. If you bothered to pay attention you could... read more

Open Letter: Stock & Option Solutions Edition

Dear Stock & Option Solutions, I am in receipt of your letter, including information such as: We are writing to inform you that on Saturday, March 1, 2008, a business laptop computer was stolen from the possession of one of our employees while traveling. Specifically, the laptop contained personally identifiable information, including your name, Social Security number, address and data related to the... read more

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