I Am

I am really pissed off.
I HATE being interrupted.
It is so fucking rude.
And the thing is, I wasn’t done.
I had stuff to tell my friend about still.
We had plans.
We had things to talk about.
I am really really pissed off that he is dead.
Because –
The thing is
The week prior?
He wasn’t dead.
The week prior?
He was talking to me
And he didn’t bother to mention,
“Hey. This is the last fucking time we are talking. EVER”
Bastard
He didn’t say,
“By the way, this stupid hospital stay,
that I am being released from today,
supposedly all better,
even though they couldn’t figure out the CAUSE,
but hey they treated the symptoms.
Well, THIS stay, gave me an infection
that is going to lead to my death.”
Nope.
He failed to fucking impart that information to me,
and
I am FURIOUS.
I am raw and rage filled.
I am very very tired
So tired I can’t remember how to rest.
I know
I am supposed to learn from this.
I am supposed to learn things like
Don’t go to bed angry.
I am supposed to learn things like,
Let people know all the time how you feel about them.
I am supposed to learn things like,
Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.
I am supposed to turn this into a fucking motivational poster.
What I am inclined to do is lock myself in the basement
and not speak to anybody
ever again.
In the end, everything ends.
At some point, this mood of mine will end too.
That is how it goes, in the end.
I am well fucking aware.