Bitchy McBitcherson's Blog

Tag: Customer Service

  • Yesterday’s Outing

    The kid got far enough in her schoolwork early enough in the day that I was able to justify us going out for lunch as a treat rather than just eating at home. + 1 Unfortunately this would require that I leave the house -1, but it was getting rolled into a library trip that we already needed to take. +1

    We went out for sushi (always +2, because it is sushi) but sushi in MN completely stresses me out because the quality to price ratio is offensive to my sensibilities -1 and sitting in the restaurant looking at the menu just made me ache for CA -1.

    We ordered our food and it took FOREVER even though everybody there already had their food. I ordered their “14 piece sashimi combination chef’s choice“. When my food arrived the waiter said “Here is your 14 piece sashimi combo,” and he placed a plate containing 12 pieces of sashimi in front of me -1. Along with the mistake itself, this was also stressful because A) I was already stressed about the pricing to quality ratio. B) in order to have any hope of fixing it I was going to have to SPEAK TO THE WAITER AGAIN. (I hate extra interaction, it is off my rehearsed script for the outing and is really not my favorite) C) I could not help thinking about the huge potential for annoyance depending on their response. -2 (in some ways, because of who I am, this is -100 for the restaurant, but I am trying to be somewhat more “reasonable” while still be honest about who I am, so for the outing I’ll just give it a -2).

    I tell the waiter, “This is probably going to seem really picky, but there are only 12 pieces of sashimi.”

    “Huh, that’s weird,” he responds, “Would you like two more pieces?”

    You think?

    “Umm… yes,” I offer him back the plate, but he declines indicating he’ll just bring it on a side plate. He walks half the distance to the sushi bar (we sat at a table) and announces, “You only put 12 pieces on that 14 piece plate.” Now the whole restaurant knows I complained. -1

    The chef says something back, which I cannot hear, and the waiter comes back over and asks, “Do you know what you’re missing?”

    “No…” I push he plate toward him again, and he says “I’ll just show this to him so he knows what is missing,” and takes the plate away.

    I look at the kid and announce, “Chef’s choice – I choose to give you two less pieces!”

    The waiter brings my plate back with the missing 2 pieces of sashimi plus a bonus piece. +.5

    We eat our food, sharing mediocre food back and forth and chatting about stuff. We goof off playing perspective games pretending to squash each other’s heads with chopsticks. Yay table manners. I take a photograph to post on the internet. +2

    We finish up and the waiter drops off our bill. I look at the total and that surge of MN sushi pricing stress washes over me, -1 and I see that the top line item is:

    WATER (2 @ 1.50) 3.00

    “You’ve got to be kidding,” I say.

    “What?” the kid wants to know, so I just push the bill over to her and she looks at it. “What…? No. NO!” she takes a photo of the bill.

    I get out my credit card and text the husband something that includes swearing and the word never.

    The waiter comes over to pick up the card, and I ask, “Do you really charge for water?”

    He laughs.

    Then he looks at me like I am a freak because I am not laughing at my funny joke, and explains “I just add it so that I don’t forget to bring the water.”

    Then he looks uncomfortable because I am still staring at him with a question on my face.

    Then he opens up the folder and looks at the bill.

    “Huh, that’s weird,” he says. He wanders off and goes to punch buttons on the computer for a bit. That does not seem to work because next he asks the sushi chef about it. The sushi chef knows nothing. Next thing we know, he is on the phone talking to somebody, loudly apologizing for interrupting.

    The conversation goes on for a while. It keeps getting louder. Extra interaction, again -1 and it is causing too much noticeable fuss, making me feel troublesome -1 and it is happening loud enough that I feel conspicuous to other diners -1.

    The louder and longer the phone call goes on, the kid turns more and more magenta trying to hold back her laughter. It is a surprising color and somewhat amusing to me +1.

    He finally comes back with a revised bill charged to my card and I sign it and we get out of there as quickly as possible.

    “I’m the most disagreeable customer they’ve ever had,” I tell the kid as soon as we get out the door. She bursts out laughing.

    Next we go to the library. I like the library. It is big and clean +1 and full of books +1. It is also highly automated and I can check books in and check them out without ever having to speak to anyone +2!

    The kid goes to find the books she has on reserve, which also does not require speaking to anyone +1 and I go to pull a couple of books from the shelf that I want her to check out. The first one is listed as being in Teen Fiction Book WREDE and I go to the shelf marked TEEN FICTION T-Z and TEEN NONFICTION and I locate the book and pick it up. I then switch to looking in the small teen nonfiction section of the shelf for the other book, but when I cannot find it I look at my note again – Children’s Nonfiction Book 510 and realize it is listed as children and not teen. I go over to the children’s area, where there are children being unpleasantly behaved and kidhandling books with little parental supervision -1. I wander around trying to find the shelf marked CHILDREN NONFICTION but cannot find it. I wander and wander and fear that I am going to have to go speak to a person. -1 The kid finds me and asks me what I am looking for and I tell her I am looking for the children’s nonfiction section and she points to nonfiction and says “Nonfiction is there.” I start to correct her, but then see in small print on the NONFICTION signs “children’s books too”. I do not understand why “teen nonfiction” gets its own section and “children’s” gets mixed in with the rest of nonfiction. I go and get that book. +1

    Then I looked for something for me to read. Before I left the house I had looked for things I wanted to read, but nothing was checked in -1, so I had put several books on reserve. I still wanted something to read. I ended up grabbing Jim Butcher’s Furies of Calderon and a featured teen book by Stephanie Hemphill, Things Left Unsaid, a novel in poems, because I was interested in the format. Neither were things I had been looking forward to reading, but at least I found something before I overloaded on being around people and had to leave without. +1

    Next I went to Micheal’s to pick up something that the kid wanted, because I had a coupon. +1

    Finally we went home, forgetting to take care of the post office errand. -1 On the other hand, I didn’t have to set foot in the post office. +1

    This leaves me with a total score of 1.5, so I win this round of the leaving my house game!

  • The State Farm Thing

    On Friday night I was driving on the freeway, with my daughter in the passenger seat, in stop and go traffic. The vehicles in front of me stopped. I stopped. The driver behind me didn’t stop. Well, he did stop, but he did it by running into us.

    I was driving a compact SUV (2006 Ford Escape Hybrid). He was driving a midsize SUV (2006 Nissan Pathfinder).

    He jumped out of his car almost immediately, stopped to pick up a hunk of his car and came up to my window. I was feeling a bit shaken and scattered, and was concerned about my daughter, so it took me a bit of fumbling to get the window down. The first thing he wanted to know is if we were okay. It took me longer to ask the same question of him, and while his immediately hopping out of his vehicle was a good indication, and my distraction over my upset daughter played a part, I am not proud that it wasn’t the first thing I wanted to know from him.

    We agreed to pull over before exchanging information. He gathered some more bits from his car off of the freeway. I put on my signal and had to wait and wait for enough of a break in traffic to move over two lanes and pull up onto an island dividing the long exit lane from the freeway. He followed me over. A police officer stopped to see if we needed an ambulance. We said we did not. The officer said he was on his way to a call so he could not fill out a report, but he would have a trooper come. It was raining, so began to exchange information inside the Pathfinder. We traded insurance cards. We were both with State Farm, but with different agents. I began to type his information into my phone. He was writing mine on a scrap of paper. Then a man from FIRST knocked on the window. He wanted to know how much longer we would be and if the cars were drivable. I said mine was. The driver of the Pathfinder said he didn’t think his could go very far. FIRST asked if we needed an ambulance and again we said no. He asked us to exit the freeway and exchange information in a hotel parking lot toward the top of the ramp. The exit lane was moving along at a good clip, and he said he would block traffic when we were ready to go. We gathered up our own insurance cards, and agreed to meet up in the parking lot.

    FIRST blocked traffic and then followed us to the parking lot. The drive to the parking lot convinced the driver of the Pathfinder that his vehicle was not really drivable, and FIRST called a tow truck for him. We again exchanged cards. He had lost the scrap of paper and needed to start all over again. I double checked the information I had put in my phone, and took a photo of his insurance card. He made some comment about his lack of technology. We traded drivers licenses next and I typed in that information and took a photo of it too. I also took a photo of his license plate.

    Our condition was not serious enough that it warranted Emergency Room care. We attempted to go to Urgent Care on Friday night, but everywhere was closed. I did email my State Farm office on Friday night and provided them with the information and the photos that I took. They were amused by the photos, since they were “not necessary” but I’d rather have that info on a photo, in case I copied down something incorrectly.

    On Saturday we spent the first part of the day in Urgent Care. Then we got a prescription filled, and then I went to bed. Saturday and Sunday was mainly about sleeping and resting. State Farm called and left me a message on Saturday. This was based on the other driver’s claim. I did not take or return the call as I was not feeling well enough.

    On Monday, I did take a call from State Farm. She was was following up on the Saturday message. The claim from his side already had a claim number and they were accepting all responsibility on the claim, so I just needed to decide where I wanted to have my car repair work done. I got information on how to look up their preferred shops, as that would be easiest for securing payment of the repairs, and told her I would call her back with my choice, and got her contact information.

    I also spoke to my insurance agent’s office on Monday. They confirmed that they would be handling the medical portion of the claim.

    Most of Monday was still spent sleeping.

    On Tuesday I selected a conveniently located body shop from the list and called and left a message about my choice for the State Farm person who was handling the auto claim. After close of business for the insurance company on Tuesday, the body shop called and told me that they had received an assignment from State Farm to give an estimate on the repair work and wanted to let me know when I could bring in my 2005 Toyota Prius.

    Umm…

    Okay. We do own a 2005 Toyota Prius, which is also insured by State Farm. This was annoying and a bit strange, but it seemed within the realm of a clerical error. I told the body shop that I would contact the insurance company and they said they would be in touch when they had the correct assignment from them.

    On Wednesday morning I called the woman who was assigned our claim and spoke to her in person. I explained that the body shop called and they had the wrong car down as authorized for repairs. She was surprised and asked which car it was, and I told her it was the other car on the policy, the Ford Escape. She said that she would get it straightened out at the body shop.

    Soon after, another woman called from State Farm, about the medical claim. She wanted to go over all the information of what my coverage was and assure me that everything would be handled.

    Thirty minutes after that, yet another call came in from State Farm. Like everybody else, this woman’s words were polite, however her tone and manner were different. She began by asking my about injuries. I gave her a surface answer and then interrupted to tell her that somebody had already spoken to me today to give me all the details on the injury claim. She said that was fine, she was calling about the auto claim. (Okay… then why ask about the injuries?) She then begins asking about the accident, wanting a description of events. This conversation is NOTHING like any of the other conversations have been. This is probing and adversarial in tone. I describe the events to her, and she is asking for details like how many lanes there were and exactly which lane we were in.

    Then she gets to asking what car I was driving. I tell her. Then she wants to know if the Toyota Prius was involved in an accident on the same day. I assure her it was not. She tells me that I can file another claim for my Ford Escape, but that they would not be covering that without an investigation. She the begins to go into details on how I need to get my car inspected. What for, I want to know, to prove that I am not lying about what car I am driving? She assures me that she did not say I was lying, she is just saying that there is “a dispute of the facts”.

    Right.

    I ask her who is disputing the facts, and she tells me the other driver is, and I tell her that I don’t believe her. I tell her there is no way that the other driver told anybody that he hit a Toyota Prius. That makes no sense, how could he just happen to claim he hit a different car that I happen to own. It is obviously some kind of clerical error in pulling up the policy. She says, that she was told by the claim adjuster that there is a dispute in facts and they have opened an investigation. She begins to tell me about how to get my vehicles inspected.

    I explained to her that I would not be getting my vehicles inspected because I challenge the very notion that there is an actual dispute of facts. I tell her to speak to the other driver.

    We go around and around and eventually we hang up, and I am just shaking with anger. I am in pain, I am on medication, and now the insurance company that I have been insured by for over 20 years. Yes, I’ve had my auto insurance with them for more than 20 years, and they have my home owners insurance too, and in that time I filed one single claim when somebody hit my car in a parking lot and didn’t leave a note (I am not 100% sure I actually filed, I might have been too worried about my rates going up, and that was at least 15 years ago and I just can’t remember what I decided to do). Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there, my ass.

    She calls back more than an hour later and tells me that she has spoken to the other driver and “NOW he says that the other car was a Ford Escape.”

    Sure. NOW he says that, indicating that BEFORE he was saying a Prius and that it simply was not State Farms fault.

    I say bullshit.

    And here is the thing.

    There are two ways that the wrong car ended up in the system, and neither was by their other driver saying that he hit a Toyota Prius.

    Either:
    A) because we share the same company, it pulled up all of our details when they typed in our insurance info, and a slip of the mouse or whatever, managed to select the wrong car – and then never went over the info with the driver in a way that included mentioning the type car because it was such a straight forward case.
    B) he gave them the wrong policy number because I gave him the wrong card causing them to pull up the wrong car and then never went over the info with the driver in a way that included mentioning the type of car because it was such a straight forward case

    Now, I agree that B is a possibility. While I am 100% certain that I gave him the correct card the first time I handed him the card. I absolutely checked to make sure I did. He managed to lose that info and had to start from scratch when we moved to the hotel parking lot. We were both flustered and time number two I was just handing him back the card, and I probably didn’t really look at it again first. So, I could have given him the card for the other car. He was coming to realize how screwed up his car was and he might not have thought about the fact the car listed on it was the wrong type of vehicle. We were two people who were stressed after just being involved in an accident. That is possible.

    What pisses me off is that as soon as this problem appears where they have it assigned to one car, and I say it is another, they opened an investigation against me and started treating me as an adversary. That was their first step. A quick phone call to the other driver to just say, “Hey, by the way, did you rear end a car, or an SUV?” would have resolved it right away.

    The claim representative that I called back about the problem didn’t tell me she was going to need to check with the other driver. She didn’t tell me that there was any problem at all. She told me she would fix it with the body shop. Then she went and called the investigation department so they could start questioning me in depth about an accident that wasn’t even my fault.

    I also admit that it might be she was only following procedure, and if that is the case I am not one tiny bit less pissed off at State Farm, because then their official procedure sucks.

    I am not with a different insurance company, hoping to screw State Farm. I am in a state with NO Fault Personal Injury, so I can’t sue their other customer for pain and suffering. I am a State Farm customer too. I don’t care who first filed the claim, they should be treating each of us as covered and cared for customers. They make commercials claiming personal service and that it is about more than just a 20 page obnoxious full of fine print and loopholes policy. They claim it is a company that cares, so how about they make THAT their policy? Because a HUMAN looking at the situation, and treating both parties in the accident as valued customers of State Farm, would have thought that a clerical or some other mix up was a more likely explanation than insurance fraud. Seriously, they can see my record, because I am their customer too. Yet, their first reaction was to assume a person who had been paying them for 20 years without filing any suspicious claims was suddenly going to try to work some bizarre scam by which I substitute a compact SUV that is less likely to have been badly damaged and in which the occupants are less likely to sustain serious injury when being hit by a midsize SUV for the compact car which got listed by the computer as being in the accident.

    They just opened an investigation against me, looking at me for insurance fraud while I was trying to recover physically and mentally from being in an accident. An accident that wasn’t my fault. An accident that their other policy holder had already accepted full responsibility for.

    I’m pissed. Also, I’m still in pain. Also, my daughter is still in pain, more pain than me actually. Guess what upsets me even more than me being in pain?

    So yeah, I am just in an all around bad mood. There has been a lot of shaking and stress and crying this week. I am so tired and so far behind on everything I was supposed to get done this week, and I still need to keep dealing with getting the car repaired, and with finding us a doctor if we are not better by Monday.

    Oh yeah, and I can’t sleep properly and I’m having nightmares.

  • State Farm

    Fuck. FUCK. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck!

  • phucking phone

    I’ve mentioned this before. I have. Many times.

    I hate the phone.

    I do.

    I fucking hate the phone.

    I hate getting calls.

    I hate making calls.

    Sometimes I simply cannot make a call. It is too much effort. I don’t really think this is something that I can explain to anyone who does not have this issue with phones, and I don’t need to explain it to them.

    It is effort, because I need to rehearse the phone call and just get myself ready and prepared to deal with the phone call.

    And see, it is difficult to rehearse something when you and the other person are not following the same script.

    Today, I rehearsed a little script for speaking with Diane about something. I prepared. I took a deep breath. I dialed.

    First of all, I get the wrong phone number. *shudder* That was NOT in the script.

    I call again, quadruple checking the number.

    woman: Hello, Crown Management.

    me: Yes, can I please speak to Diane Sumner?

    woman: Who?

    me: Diane Sumner

    woman: Who?

    me: Extension 208?

    woman: What do you want?

    me: Umm, I need to speak to the person who handles The Oaks, is that no longer Diane?

    woman: Who is this?

    me: I… I… Who is managing The Oaks now?

    woman: I don’t know, this is the operator.

    me: What?

    woman: The OP ER A TOR. You’ve called the operator.

    me: Oh. So, I didn’t reach Crown Management?

    woman: Yes, this is Crown Management, but it is the operator.

    me: Okay. So, can I speak to Diane Sumner?

    woman: She isn’t available.

    me: Okay. Well, can I leave a voicemail?

    woman: No.

    me: Oh… When will she be available?

    woman: I don’t know, they didn’t tell me when they would be available.

    me: Oh…

    woman: I can take a verbal message.

    me: I… whatever, that’s okay. (it has veered too far off script and I’ve had enough, so it is just time to hang up)

    And, while I am not sure anybody will understand this. This essentially sums up for me, exactly what it is like to use the phone. Always.

    ETA: It actually went off script for me as soon as a person answered the phone. Normally when I call that number, I get a phone tree system that allows me to just type in the extension of the person I wish to reach, or I can look them up in the directory by last name.

  • “I’ll beat any quote you get by $50”

    I like a bargain.

    I don’t like to bargain.

    When I get a quote I want it to be a fair price for the company to do whatever it is they are supposed to do. A price at which they can do the job correctly and make a profit that allows them to stay in business. I do not want them to quote a bit higher than that because some people will pay that rate and subsidize jobs they do for lower because they will beat any quote. I don’t want them to quote lower so I say yes, and then tack on extra charges later.

    So, they tell me they will beat any lower quote by $50, and yes, I want my $50. I do. Still, I’d rather give my business to the company I simply decide is best for the job, and a part of that is feeling really good about the way they handle their quotes.

    Every company cannot bid at the same price. Different sized companies operate with different margins. New trucks, versus old trucks. An office versus another family member taking calls at home. I take take many things into account when I am weighing quotes.

    I just don’t get a good feeling off of being told that they will beat any quote.

    I want to be told a price and then decide whether or not it is worth it for me to pay it. I don’t want to play games.

    Many people enjoy bargaining. They love it. They feel good about it and don’t want to take a deal unless they’ve talked them down X%. I know that there are people like that, and that some companies respond by making their first quote X% higher to factor in needing to bargain.

    I just don’t like that, and really don’t want to feed into that way of doing business.
    Still, I would like to keep my extra $50. So, it just all leaves me feeling annoyed and tired, and rather pissed off.

  • Oh, give me a small break, please.

    I want to interact with Netflix about something. It is about something simple, and I think they would most likely be able to help me if I can just point out the problem. After all, if they help me they will get more of my money than if they don’t help me.

    So, I went to their website to try to click on the correct series of links to get to a form page to send them a message. I fail and fail and fail. All I can find is the fricken phone number.

    I search through my old email contact with them to find their email address, but it no longer works as an inbox address for them.

    I search online for the posting of an email address, and I find a few places mentioning that they did away with email support about a year ago.

    INTERNET BASED COMPANY

    *headdesk*

    An internet based company should offer some damn internet based customer service. Yes, there are a bunch of people out that who prefer the phone. Bully for them. I am not opposed to them offering a phone number. I think a 24 hour line staffed by real humans beings is a good offering, but it should not be the only offering. This person thinks the change was a big customer service bonus, and I completely disagree.

    So, here I am with a problem I’d like to have solved. If they solved it they would make a little more money. Now, I am annoyed, my problem will not be solved, and that money will never be theirs. There is no way I am going to waste my time on hold and deal with somebody by phone when this would be so easy to handle by email, but they won’t give me that opportunity.

  • 4:45 AM

    and all is not well…

    First of all the furnace in the RV is not working and it is fucking cold. I am worried the fish is going to freeze to death. They (RV rental people) say they will try to get somebody out to repair it in the morning. They also say that I can go pick up a space heater at Walmart and they will reimburse for it. This was not possible as there is no 24 hour Walmart here.

    Tried to sleep anyway, despite it being fucking cold. Luckily, I have a warm blanket, a light blanket and a comforter. Xander was so cold he joined me under the covers to sleep, something he never does.

    We got 2 hours sleep before Willow came over and peed all over me. She soaked through all my bedding. After I killed her (okay, I didn’t really do that) I checked the pamphlet for the campground. It has a 24 hour laundry room. I bagged up all my stuff, took things so I could shower too, since, umm gross. Hauled my ass and tons of stuff over there and found a sign saying that as of Nov 1, the laundry room was closed from 10PM to 8AM.

    I squatted on the sidewalk and cried quietly, so as not to wake the other campers.

    I am cold and exhausted and have no place I call home. This 25 foot box is physically stressful to drive. My back and neck are killing me. I smell like cat piss, and I have no blankets to keep warm. I can’t even begin a load until 8. Who knows when somebody will come to fix my heater or how long that will take. I am already a day late and at risk for missing the movers on the other end. Check out time is noon, so if they can’t fix it by then… Well I won’t have slept anyway by then.

    I would toss all this bedding and buy new stuff so I could sleep, and a space heater… except, yeah, no 24 hour Walmart (or anything else).

    Xander has refused to use the kitty litter since setting foot in the box on wheels too, so perhaps we’ll have an encore soon. If not him, I’m sure Willow will do something. She hates me.

    The fucking Walmart can’t even bother with an answering machine that lets me know what time they do open.

  • Open Letter: Moving Company Edition

    Dear Moving Company Contact,

    Please refrain from replying to my email with a phone call. No, I will not call you back. If I had wanted to call you, I would have done that to start with.

    I already spoke to you on the phone once. I called you back in response to your first message, despite the fact you had not provided me with your extension, or last name, thereby making returning the message an even larger chore than it needed to be.

    I then, not only answered the questions about the delivery date, I explained exactly WHY it needed to be that date. Then I secured your email address and extension number, because it had not occurred to you to offer either.

    In my email I reiterated the date information to you. I typed out the date, month, year, and even the day of the week.

    I fail to understand why you are now leaving me a message saying that you got my email, and to please call you back and tell you which date I want for delivery (offering me 4 possible dates INCLUDING the one I have already told you both verbally and in writing is the only one that will work). We are clearly suffering from a communication failure, and since you are in a service business, perhaps you should work on your end a bit.

    Also, I believe it is standard upon leaving business messages to provide your phone number and extension, especially when you call from a blocked number. Yes, I did make note of your information from our previous conversation, but considering that you seem unable to hang onto important details yourself, you should probably assume the same about others and over-provide your contact information as a matter of course.

    (Not)Respectfully,

    – Me

    P.S. The woman you are replacing was a lot more functional and competent than you, and I sincerely hope that she quit for a position someplace with co-workers who are not as useless as you appear to be. I just wish she had done it AFTER I completed my move.

  • Open Letter: Stock & Option Solutions Edition

    Dear Stock & Option Solutions,

    I am in receipt of your letter, including information such as:

    We are writing to inform you that on Saturday, March 1, 2008, a business laptop computer was stolen from the possession of one of our employees while traveling. Specifically, the laptop contained personally identifiable information, including your name, Social Security number, address and data related to the administration of your stock purchase program.

    I’d like to take the time to ask you, “What the fuck?” and I mean that most sincerely.

    Why is this sort of information wandering around with an employee on travel AT ALL? In the unlikely case that you have a good reason for this data being on a laptop (which is mobile in nature and therefor less secure) in the first place, and the even less likely case that you have a good reason for the employee to be traveling with such a laptop, then still, “What the fuck?”

    Really.

    WHAT
    THE
    FUCK
    ?

    See, according to your own admission in the letter, this data was NOT ENCRYPTED.

    I am not impressed. I am not impressed by the fact this happened. I am not impressed that it took you so long to notify me. I am not impressed with anything about this. As a point of fact, I am actively pissed off.

    Your apology for “any inconvenience or concern that this incident may cause” me is officially not accepted.

    Are we clear?

    Disgustedly,
    -Me

  • Cheese and Lack of Crackers (AKA – Why I prefer to shop online)

    Today, I left my house.

    Cashier: (holding up our two bottles of wine): Mystery wine and happy face wine, you have interesting taste in wines, don’t you?
    Me: *mumble noncommittally*
    Cashier (surveying all of my items): You’ve bought a lot of cheese here, but no crackers.
    Me: Yeah
    Cashier: (looking through my items more carefully): No crackers.
    Cashier: (scans a few more things): What are you going to do with the cheese?
    Me: Just eat it.
    Cashier: (continues scanning): How are you going to eat it?
    Me: *blink*
    Cashier: Are you doing a fondue?
    Me: No, I just like cheese.
    Cashier: So you just set out an assortment of them?
    Me: I just eat it.
    Cashier: Oh oh, you just like cheese.
    (scans a few more items)
    Cashier: You don’t need the extra carbs I suppose.
    Me: *raises eyebrows*
    Cashier: (begins bagging my stuff, looking at it all again): I see you even got [couldn’t make out the word], you just really don’t like crackers, do you?
    (she finishes bagging and sends me on my way)
    Cashier: Enjoy your selection of cheese!

    My face obviously looks too approachable. I need to work on that.