Bitchy McBitcherson's Blog

Tag: neighbors

  • Open Letter: Neighbor Edition

    Dear Neighbors,

    Hi. I’m sure you’ve noticed that we’ve moved into your neighborhood. For one thing there was the whole giant moving truck thing. For another a couple of you come and stare out your windows at us whenever we are doing something in the front yard. For another thing, we clear our driveway and the sidewalk when it snows.

    The last time it snowed, it snowed only lightly, but we still cleared it. I’m sure that made some of you talk. Crazy people clearing now when there is so little of it. I notice that only one other person on the street bothered to clear theirs.

    The thing is? I’m from California and I don’t fucking like snow on the driveway, not even a thin layer. It stays there and then it freezes to a hard slippery layer, and then everything that we need to do on our driveway is more difficult to do safely, like walking, or driving.

    So, when your kids come and get into snowball fight in THIS front yard? And cause a bunch of snow to get in the driveway as they throw shit and make snow balls out of the snow piles we’ve carefully cleared from the driveway? It pisses me right the fuck off.

    And yes, it is important that the driveway be cleared off with the noisy shovels after 10 PM at night, because I don’t want to get up early in the morning to do it, and I don’t care if you don’t like the noise, and go ahead and keep staring at me out your window.

    I don’t want kids playing in the yard. I don’t want to be your friend. What I want is a moat and a 20 foot wall, but this is a rental.

    – Cranky, Un-neighborly, Unfriendly Me

  • I Do Not “Love You Man”

    Tonight I took the dogs out to the backyard to go to the bathroom and have dinner, and discovered a can of Bud Light tossed into our yard. Because of the nature of access to our yard, the only two likely suspects are the landscaping crew that takes care of the neighborhood, and I have never seen them do anything like that, or friends of the teen aged girl next door. In the past when she has had parties people have thrown chewed gum into our yard. One actually has to make quite an effort to do that, because our yard is significantly above theirs. It cannot happen accidentally as they try to throw it to some spot in her yard.

    Now the woman who lives next door is, most days of the year, a very decent neighbor. She is friendly when appropriate. She leaves us alone most of the time. She never trims a tree that is on our property, but hanging over hers, without checking in with us first. She’s provided alcohol for our drinking pleasure on more than one occasion.

    She has two daughters, only one of whom still lives at home. The daughters do like to throw parties when Mom is away. I doubt that either of the people living next door is throwing shit into my backyard, but like it or not, people will judge you by the company you keep.

    Tonight, I am not thinking warm and happy thoughts about the neighbors.

    I do not fucking like shit to be thrown into my backyard. Not one little fucking bit.

    The fact you only run with people who drive disgustingly expensive fucking cars does not mean you have found people with class.

    Go out and find yourselves some friends with better manners and better taste. Bud Light is disgusting.