Kid: Oh my god, what… Ugh. That smells.
Me: It’s my suitcase.
Him: What?
Me: It’s cheese.
Him: You have smelly cheese in your suitcase?
Me: It’s good cheese.
Him: So?
Me: It is a bit stinky.
Him: I’ll say.
Me: It’s really good cheese. It’s ridiculously expensive and I haven’t found it in Minnesota, and to order it and ship it is even more expensive.
Him: So you put it in your suitcase?
Me: Yes, I know, all my clothes are fucked. I need to wash everything.
Kid: It stinks.
Me: It IS a smelly cheese, but it is SO good.
Him: You stunk up the plane?!
Me: Yes, it kind of did. It’s really good cheese.
Him: People probably thought it was you. They thought you were farty.
Me: No, the suitcase was over somebody else’s head.
Kid: It smells like dog poop.
Me: It’s my favorite cheese. It’s really good.
Kid: It smells like a dog came in here and pooed all over!
Me: IT’S GOOD CHEESE!!!
Him: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Me: Shut up!
Kid: Inconceivable.
Brought to you by Cowgirl Creamery Red Hawk and my not entirely loving family.