Bad Mood on the Rise

I am paying bills, eating salt and pepper pistachios, and trying not to think too much about the fact that my laptop is on a downward slope and will soon either need to have money and time spent on it, or will need to be retired to the junkyard.

My mood is shit, due partly to paying bills, partly to teenage attitude, partly to the ridiculously frustrating behavior and actions of a friend, and mostly to just being me.

In moving news, I am still completely NOT unpacked and settled. Yes, I do realize it is because it is my own way of not really moving. I want to be with my family, but I don’t want to be here. The behavior is ridiculous, immature, and self-destructive. It is easy to create an atmosphere where I cannot possible be happy (surrounded by chaos, disorder and boxes, and unable to find things I need), and thereby prove that I cannot be happy here. I am working on it. Even if I create an environment where functionality is possible, it may not lead to functionality, but if I neglect to even try to create such an environment I am not even giving myself a chance. That might be fine as a personal choice, but since I live with two other people, it would be fucking unfair. So, I am working on it, but I am not happy about it. I don’t feel better because I am working on it. I am just working on it.

Today I hung something on the wall. I screwed something of ours to the wall. This is the first time I’ve done that. I don’t mean EVER. It is the first time I’ve done that in this house. I attached something to the house. I’m not sure that the fact I’ve done it is symbolic, but I am damn certain that the fact I hadn’t was. It helps that it was a less than $10 something that I probably won’t even bother to take with me when I leave. It also helps that is a knife magnet bar, meaning sharp things are now easier for me to reach.

Open Letter: Neighbor Edition
not warm

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