Cheese and Lack of Crackers (AKA – Why I prefer to shop online)

Today, I left my house.

Cashier: (holding up our two bottles of wine): Mystery wine and happy face wine, you have interesting taste in wines, don’t you?
Me: *mumble noncommittally*
Cashier (surveying all of my items): You’ve bought a lot of cheese here, but no crackers.
Me: Yeah
Cashier: (looking through my items more carefully): No crackers.
Cashier: (scans a few more things): What are you going to do with the cheese?
Me: Just eat it.
Cashier: (continues scanning): How are you going to eat it?
Me: *blink*
Cashier: Are you doing a fondue?
Me: No, I just like cheese.
Cashier: So you just set out an assortment of them?
Me: I just eat it.
Cashier: Oh oh, you just like cheese.
(scans a few more items)
Cashier: You don’t need the extra carbs I suppose.
Me: *raises eyebrows*
Cashier: (begins bagging my stuff, looking at it all again): I see you even got [couldn’t make out the word], you just really don’t like crackers, do you?
(she finishes bagging and sends me on my way)
Cashier: Enjoy your selection of cheese!

My face obviously looks too approachable. I need to work on that.

A Proclamation
Open Letter: Stop Helping Me Edition


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