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phucking phone

I’ve mentioned this before. I have. Many times.

I hate the phone.

I do.

I fucking hate the phone.

I hate getting calls.

I hate making calls.

Sometimes I simply cannot make a call. It is too much effort. I don’t really think this is something that I can explain to anyone who does not have this issue with phones, and I don’t need to explain it to them.

It is effort, because I need to rehearse the phone call and just get myself ready and prepared to deal with the phone call.

And see, it is difficult to rehearse something when you and the other person are not following the same script.

Today, I rehearsed a little script for speaking with Diane about something. I prepared. I took a deep breath. I dialed.

First of all, I get the wrong phone number. *shudder* That was NOT in the script.

I call again, quadruple checking the number.

woman: Hello, Crown Management.

me: Yes, can I please speak to Diane Sumner?

woman: Who?

me: Diane Sumner

woman: Who?

me: Extension 208?

woman: What do you want?

me: Umm, I need to speak to the person who handles The Oaks, is that no longer Diane?

woman: Who is this?

me: I… I… Who is managing The Oaks now?

woman: I don’t know, this is the operator.

me: What?

woman: The OP ER A TOR. You’ve called the operator.

me: Oh. So, I didn’t reach Crown Management?

woman: Yes, this is Crown Management, but it is the operator.

me: Okay. So, can I speak to Diane Sumner?

woman: She isn’t available.

me: Okay. Well, can I leave a voicemail?

woman: No.

me: Oh… When will she be available?

woman: I don’t know, they didn’t tell me when they would be available.

me: Oh…

woman: I can take a verbal message.

me: I… whatever, that’s okay. (it has veered too far off script and I’ve had enough, so it is just time to hang up)

And, while I am not sure anybody will understand this. This essentially sums up for me, exactly what it is like to use the phone. Always.

ETA: It actually went off script for me as soon as a person answered the phone. Normally when I call that number, I get a phone tree system that allows me to just type in the extension of the person I wish to reach, or I can look them up in the directory by last name.

on the way home from the airport
"I'll beat any quote you get by $50"

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