Bitchy McBitcherson's Blog

Author: mstori

  • Bad Mood on the Rise

    I am paying bills, eating salt and pepper pistachios, and trying not to think too much about the fact that my laptop is on a downward slope and will soon either need to have money and time spent on it, or will need to be retired to the junkyard.

    My mood is shit, due partly to paying bills, partly to teenage attitude, partly to the ridiculously frustrating behavior and actions of a friend, and mostly to just being me.

    In moving news, I am still completely NOT unpacked and settled. Yes, I do realize it is because it is my own way of not really moving. I want to be with my family, but I don’t want to be here. The behavior is ridiculous, immature, and self-destructive. It is easy to create an atmosphere where I cannot possible be happy (surrounded by chaos, disorder and boxes, and unable to find things I need), and thereby prove that I cannot be happy here. I am working on it. Even if I create an environment where functionality is possible, it may not lead to functionality, but if I neglect to even try to create such an environment I am not even giving myself a chance. That might be fine as a personal choice, but since I live with two other people, it would be fucking unfair. So, I am working on it, but I am not happy about it. I don’t feel better because I am working on it. I am just working on it.

    Today I hung something on the wall. I screwed something of ours to the wall. This is the first time I’ve done that. I don’t mean EVER. It is the first time I’ve done that in this house. I attached something to the house. I’m not sure that the fact I’ve done it is symbolic, but I am damn certain that the fact I hadn’t was. It helps that it was a less than $10 something that I probably won’t even bother to take with me when I leave. It also helps that is a knife magnet bar, meaning sharp things are now easier for me to reach.

  • not warm

    -19°F
    Feels Like
    -36°F

    A WIND CHILL WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT FOR EAST CENTRAL AND SOUTHEAST MINNESOTA… INCLUDING THE TWIN CITIES METRO AREA… AND WEST CENTRAL WISCONSIN UNTIL NOON ON FRIDAY.

    A WIND CHILL WARNING MEANS THE COMBINATION OF VERY COLD AIR AND WINDS WILL CREATE DANGEROUSLY COLD WIND CHILL VALUES. THIS WILL RESULT IN FROST BITE AND LEAD TO HYPOTHERMIA OR DEATH IF PRECAUTIONS ARE NOT TAKEN. WHEN VENTURING OUTDOORS… MAKE SURE THAT YOU DRESS IN LAYERS… AND WEAR A HAT AND GLOVES.

    WIND SPEEDS AROUND 5 MPH WILL BE COMMON TONIGHT. COMBINED WITH LOWS OF 20 TO 30 BELOW… WIND CHILL VALUES WILL DROP TO 35 TO 50 BELOW BY FRIDAY MORNING. THEREFORE THE WIND CHILL WARNING CONTINUES UNTIL NOON ON FRIDAY.

    London got to go on a short walk/run today. Based on the troubles yesterday I only let Indy out for brief trips to the yard. She still enjoys the snow, but is happy to get back inside. By limiting her time we did not have another limping incident.

    I’ve decided that “feels like -20°F” or lower means that Indy doesn’t get a walk. I have ordered booties for her (and London too, just in case). If those help enough then we can set a new cut off for skipping the walk.

    I’ve also decided that “-15°F” or lower means that I really don’t like being outside much.

    So far both of the cars are doing okay. The cold does have an impact on gas mileage and also on things like power steering and start up, etc. They are both doing better than a lot of my husband’s coworkers cars.

    When it gets this cold outside, the furnace does not do a great job of keeping it comfortably warm inside. Especially anywhere near a window, or even a wall. The insulation in this house is not impressive.

  • I Have Teen Angst

    As in, the angst I feel because I am the parent to a teenager.

    I do not enjoy this angst.

  • Too Cold

    It is really cold right now.

    It is painfully cold. The wind chill really really has a significant impact at these temperatures.

    Today we bundled up to take the dogs out for a walk. We took the excited dogs out through the backyard and out the back gate. Then we follow this trail through small ravine and get up to the big path behind out house. We even managed to get up to the patch without either kungfuzap or I slipping and falling.

    As soon as we got up there, Indy trudged off to the side and squatted to pee. Then she started to sniff around, and then… Suddenly it was obvious she was miserable and in pain. She was on 3 legs with one foot dangling, but her other foot was hurting too, so she tried to switch favored feet, but the one she put down, she wasn’t controlling properly, and she set it down, standing on the top side of it. This of course made her stumble. Her legs were shaking like crazy, her tail was firmly between her legs.

    I leg her immediately back inside, worried the whole time that she would fall, and I wasn’t sure how on earth I would carry her if she collapsed, because the thing about dressing up like the little brother from A Christmas Story, is that you just aren’t very physically functional. She limped and shook the whole way back in the house. I got back in and sent the kid and London out for a quick run. I told her to run him so they both stayed warmer and to keep an eye on him for signs of discomfort, etc. I then attended to Indy.

    She was just pressing up against me. I was checking her feet for signs of injury. Her legs were still shaking. Then Willow came over and was rubbing against her and boofing and rubbing against her face. This has NEVER happened before. Willow doesn’t like the dogs. Xander likes Indy, but not Willow. It completely freaked me out. I thought that maybe it wasn’t the cold and their was actually something else wrong with her and she was dying and Willow knew it. Ugh.

    Anyhow, slowly has she warmed up, she started to be able to put normal weight on her feet again and eventually she laid down to rest. After she seemed recovered, I just took her out in the backyard so she could finish going to the bathroom. She hurried and did her business with NO extra sniffing around or playing and happily rushed back inside.

    So. Apparently? “Feels like -24” is too cold for Indy. London was still okay, but he obviously felt it.

    I went out to look for booties for her, but didn’t find any in stock. I hadn’t gotten any before because most people report pretty poor results with older dogs who are not used to them, but she needs to be able to get out there and go to the bathroom without injuring her paws, and if this is going to be an extra harsh winter, I need to work something out.

    If I ever were to custom build a house here, I think it would have to involve an indoor dog bathroom room. I have a design all planned out in my head.

  • it takes a village

    Today we left the house.

    *shudder*

    We were driving along and passed a street called Friendship Village Rd.

    kid: Do you want to go to Friendship Village?
    me: No.
    kid: But it sounds nice and friendly.
    me: I want to visit Mind Your Own Fucking Business Village.
    kid: THAT really wouldn’t be a “village” then.
    me: Mind your own business.
    kid: *silence*

  • My Maternal Instincts

    I do not feel great.

    Sinus Pressure

    Achy

    Icky

    *sigh*

    Kid also does not feel great.

    Kid shuffles over to me, looking sleepy and puffy and blah.

    kid: Am I hot?
    me: I’m not sure. There’s a website. We could post a photo and let people vote.
    kid: *gives me a look* No.
    me: *feels kid’s forehead* No. You seem normal.
    kid: I feel hot.
    me: You sure about the photo?
    kid: Please, no.
    me: hrmph

    Even when I am feeling icky, it is the little things that keep me going.

  • eavesdropping

    I went out to breakfast by myself this morning. I normally try to avoid paying too much attention to what other people are talking about, because I prefer to pretend I am alone in the world after some sort of armageddon, but I do not always succeed in this fantasy.

    A teenage boy and his father sat at the table right next to mine. The boy looked to be about 16, and something about the way he phrased things and his speech pattern reminded me a lot of the kid, so I began to half listen, because it was familiar and comforting. They were waiting for a couple of other people to join them, and making bits of smalltalk, mostly about what to order.

    Then the father asked “How is [girl’s name]?” And the boy said, “Fine,” in that age old teenage way that could mean anything from she is totally amazing to she died 5 weeks ago, and I’ve already forgotten her.

    Then there was a pause.

    And the boy said, “I don’t know, Dad. Sometimes, it just seems like it is so hard to talk to her. It is like I have to PRY things out of her. I have to ask all these questions because the conversation just doesn’t happen easily and feel comfortable. I don’t really like it. I WANT it to be different. I can’t exactly say that to her. I can’t tell her that I wish our conversations felt more comfortable, because that will just upset her and I don’t want to do that.”

    There was a longer pause and the boy was looking intently at his father.

    Finally his father said, “Yeah, uh, conversations can be difficult. I’ll be right back.” He got up and went to the bathroom.

    The boy sat for a few beats, and then pulled out his cell phone and started texting.

    I wanted to cry into my coffee.

  • Not Reassured

    Things I DO NOT want my pilot to say over the intercom when giving updates as we sit endlessly on the tarmac in a snow storm.

    “I’ve been doing this a lot of years, and I’ve never had this happen before.”

    “catastrophic consequences”

    Dude. Word things differently.

    I’m just saying.

  • Dog Brains

    Indy looks at something new and her first question is “Is it dangerous?”
    London looks at something new and his first question is “Is it food?”

    I consider the answer to each of these questions to be important when I encounter something new.

    I side with Indy though. Threat assessment first. Although, even if it is dangerous, it might still be tasty.

  • More Whining

    I sort of more or less chilled this weekend and tried to relax, but today came and the overwhelming stress of all I need to get done hit and I could not stop kicking myself for not staying on task. I was so busy kicking myself, I couldn’t really manage to get back on task. It was a shit day.

    I did make a small batch of chicken stock, which is now cooling. I much prefer homemade stock to store bought, because I control what goes in it, and it is more cost effective too. Chicken stock is a staple item in my kitchen. I think that is pretty much the extent of my accomplishments today, and it was a small batch.

    I did a little bit of grocery shopping today, but that was also an exercise in stress. Basically anything that I cannot find, that was a regular thing for me to purchase “back home” sends me into a fit of feeling sorry for myself, as if I need any extra help with that. I am really just pathetic and annoying at this point, even to myself, and I know I am a pain in the ass for other people to deal with.

    It is no help that I am leaving in a few days on one trip, and then getting back and leaving almost right away on another trip (but having to cram in a work party in between). This will be basically another whole month without my husband and I am just already so done with being apart.

    I also just utterly do not have the energy or patience to be the mother to a teenager. Yet, there she is, every day. It isn’t just the act of parenting that takes so much energy, it is being near the orbit of all that teenage baggage. It just sucks the life out of me.

    Tomorrow I get to go be around dozens of teenagers. Also I get to go to a church. That is where an area homeschool teen group has their monthly meetings. If I never post again, assume I burst into flames, from one or the other. Or perhaps it will be having to meet the homeschooling parents that will do me in.

    We are also supposed to bring some sort of potluck dish for lunch (which I failed to remember about while grocery shopping), a tray of cookies to share, which I think I am just going to refuse (Holy shit, a TRAY of cookies from every family? I don’t even want to be around that many teens when they haven’t consumed 4 pounds of sugar each), plus a can or two for the church food pantry (which I also failed to remember while grocery shopping). Tomorrow morning I will go to the grocery store and sort something out for that meeting, and no doubt have another pity party over not finding what I want and am familiar with.

    Is there a magic potluck dish that will make them like my daughter and make her feel welcome and happy here? Is there one which will make them hate her and make her so miserable that I never have to go to one of these damn meetings again? Can I just bring a bunch of eggplant and okra? I suppose what I really need to do is the same thing I do at every potluck. Eat before I go.

    I feel like shit.