Bitchy McBitcherson's Blog

Tag: sick

  • nightly news report

    I’ve made it home, but I feel awful. I would be in bed except that my gut is hurting too much to get comfortable, so here I am sitting at the computer and just feeling generally gross.

    In other news, outside it smells like… not rotten, but definitely not fresh, salmon. Since I can think of no reasonable explanation for why outside should smell like salmon, I am just figuring that it is a brain tumor. Maybe not, since I don’t smell it inside.

    Everybody else is asleep, or I would drag other people outside to ask if they smell it. “Hey come here, smell this. It is gross.”

    Yep.

    Outside stinks. I don’t feel well. And that’s the way it is.

  • Do you have a frog I can borrow?

    I feel like crap.

    CRAP

    CRAP

    CRAP

    I woke up feeling bad, sore throat, nose totally dry, but sinus cavities totally stuffed. Just yucky. My apologies to anybody I have breathed on in the last few days. I stumbled downstairs and looked in the cabinet to find something, anything, to make me feel less like crap, and I find this Zicam throat spray stuff.

    So, I spray some, and I am like:

    <i>huh

    that doesn’t taste good</i>

    I get my vitamins together and take them with water, and try to keep going about my business – but the not good…

    is turning bad…

    and getting worse…

    and soon I am making faces and twitching…

    and feeling gaggy.

    Since KFZ doesn’t happen to be blind, deaf, stupid, or comatose, she asks, “WHAT is wrong?! What are you doing?”

    Twitching and gagging, I tell her that I used the Zicam and mention that it tastes bad.

    <blockquote>bad

    bad

    bad

    BAD

    BAD

    <b>FOUL</b></blockquote> This cracks her up, and she just keeps saying:

    <blockquote>I told you so.

    I told you so!

    I told you so!!

    You just got mad, and said it couldn’t be that bad, but <font size=”+1″>I TOLD YOU SO!</font></blockquote>Now, “I told you so” is not very pleasant to hear out of any mouth, especially if you are not feeling well. It is something I am even less interested in hearing out of my kid’s mouth.

    Did I haul off and hit her? Nope.

    I just went and got the Zicam out of the cabinet and threw it the fuck away.

    Unfortunately, I think everything may taste bad FOREVER.

    The thing is, she just said it tasted “bad”. She didn’t say it tasted a special kind of bad, that grew and grew long after the moment you sprayed it, and sent your body into convulsions over the sheer nastiness of it. She just said “bad”.

    The child obviously needs to learn some new and improved communication skills.

    In the meantime, I am wandering around looking for something to wipe my tongue off on, hoping to make the taste go away. Perhaps some sort of poisonous frog will work.